I love you, or to be more clear I adore you. I remember our last night together when we were on the rooftop. I remember you talking about how much you loved the moonlight. You held me in your arms, really held me in your arms. I’m talking about two or more hours of cuddling. You held me in your arms and I felt like I existed, you held me in your arms and I felt cared for, I felt, loved. Loved by you. One of the best feelings I ever felt was when your fingers touched my skin and you set my soul on fire. I love you so much. Every time I look at you I feel like I am over the moon. Every time you touch me I just want to give you my heart. 

Anyways, I left you that night with the promise of seeing you soon. I left you that night and I left a piece of my heart, a piece of me with you. I wish I could have kissed you that night. I wish I could have tasted you for the last time before you left. I didn’t think you wanted to leave. I knew you needed a break, I knew you were overwhelmed and tired of all this bullshit. I knew you were outed and everyone now knows your secret but you promised that you were fine and as long as I was there with you, nothing else mattered. You promised.

I never thought that you wanted to take your own life. I never did. We were always there for each other. We called each other when we needed each other and our hearts were on fire. We were there for each other through thick and thin, as people say.

That night was cold, so cold. When I went back home my legs were literally freezing. I couldn’t feel my legs.  I went to bed, I got under the sheets and I was still freezing. That night I wanted nothing else in this world more than to have you by my side. To sleep next to you. To feel your warmth, to listen to your heartbeat, and to feel your skin next to mine. I never wanted anything so bad in this world as much as I wanted you that night. I couldn’t get to sleep that night, I felt like something was off.

The sun beams woke me and I was right, something was off. I went to school and you weren’t there, I called you and you didn’t answer. I went to your house right after classes; I climbed the tree like always and knocked on your window. I could see your body but you didn’t answer, I thought you were playing so I jumped in through your window. I entered your sanctuary to find you laying on your bed, dead. I found you dead Alex with a bottle of pills next to you. The world stopped for a minute; everything was dark. I fell to my knees, held your hand and I started crying until I ran out of tears. No one was in your house. That was the last time I saw you and all I remember after that is flashing lights and people in uniforms. Another one bites the dust. You were outed and your world came crashing down and it definitely crushed mine along the way. 

I will forever believe that you are here with me every time I see the moonlight. I love you.


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