Amber was lying on the dock, looking up at the gray sky. Two seabirds flew overhead. She wondered how it would be if the birds decided to empty their bowels above her. The peaceful atmosphere would certainly be disturbed.
The icy blasts of sea breeze slashed at Amber’s jacket. It was a gift from her mother. She bought it for Amber’s sailing club. It was excellent for repelling the frigid winds, and keeping her body warm. But, what did it matter? Her insides were as cold as the freezing waters of the Pacific Ocean.
Amber sat up and gazed across the water. It was so calm and peaceful. She imagined its cold but comforting embrace. It takes only a few minutes for the human brain to die from the lack of oxygen一here, it’d probably be even quicker because the water is so cold. After that, she would sink to the depths. Rest. Bliss. Escape.
She took out her notebook to take one last look.
- Unhappy parents
She knew there was more to the story. She felt that there was something wrong with throwing away her life when her parents sacrificed their life savings to send her here to study. But that money is already spent. It’s a delusion, a weakness of human nature. It’s best to move on and do what’s best in the current moment.
Amber stood up and walked over to the ledge bordering the dock. One more step, and it would all be over. But she simply could not. Amber realized for the second time in her life that she was actually a coward.
She walked away from the ledge.
That night, she realized it took a great deal of courage to continue living, and she would try her best to do so. She started to read. Ater one month and three books, she started to realize something. There are many challenges and difficulties. Too many. But it was these that helped develop and shape her life. These imperfections, these gaping holes in the otherwise perfect fabric of life, are perfect imperfections. And so is life.
Today, looking back, Amber is grateful that she had not taken that step. Life is perfectly imperfect, and she counts her stars that the realization didn’t come at the price of her life.